Today was kind of a bummed-out day. I got into the studio late, and once I was there, it was kind of obvious I wasn't going to accomplish much. I left early and headed back home.
In the evening, Lindsey, another exchange student in the illustration department, invited me out for drinks with her and some of the other international students. I met them at The Last Drop, a pub in the Grassmarket around 9pm. At first, it was really quite great-- between Sara, Philip, Lindsey, and I-- we had a lot to talk about. I was wondering why I had been so hesitant to go out with the other exchanges before.
We moved to The Advocate, another pub just a ways down Cowgate. There, more people started showing up-- Sara's roommates, other students from ECA, and some girls that I had no idea who they were to be honest. For a while, I did fine, but after a bit, I was feeling sort of awkward. I do horribly in large groups of strangers. I seriously become a ridiculous wallflower. I can't explain it. It's like I'm convinced that no one likes me. Anyway, around 1am, I decided to call it a night just as every one was ready to go dancing.
I did the drunken walk home along Cowgate-- probably the forth or fifth time since I've been here that I've done this walk. The length of two cigarettes.
I can't decide what exactly is causing my moods to move the way they do. I never know if I'm ecstatic, content, depressed-- whatever. Being here has been beyond what my hormones can handle apparently.