2/28/9 :: Crafty

I woke up around 10 and began the journey to find a sewing shop in Edinburgh.  I ended up walking all down Lothian, up Princes Street, and finally across South Bridge to St. Patrick's Square.  Finally found Edinburgh Fabrics.  Ghetto part of town, but the selection was decent.

I bought 16 pounds worth of material and ribbon and beads.  I've been sewing cupcakes all evening, listening to Martha Wainwright and Bright Eyes.  

Boredom is a tremendous thing.  

Going to someone's birthday party tonight at City Cafe?  I suppose so.

2/27/9 :: Las Ramblas

Spent the entire night booking hostels for my spring vacation to London and Barcelona.  I was supposed to go to Rome as well, but I've cancelled on those plans.  I'm gonna hold out and hope that I can meet up with Luke in Venice in May.

Win.

I also had a 2 hour conversation with my mom about money.  Couldn't possibly be more broke than I am right now.  But I just keep spendin, spendin, spendin...

2/26/9 :: Work Placement

I went to bed last night at 9pm, and I didn't get up this morning until after 11am.  I am fighting off another cold that I picked up in London.  Good news is that I felt loads better today-- yesterday was a bit rough.  After lunch, I went into the studio for a short bit and started searching for design firms to apply to for my work placement.

No matter what I searched for, I kept coming back to Jean Jullien.  He's an artist I've been admiring for a while now-- just now studying for his masters at the Royal College of Art, but already a force to be reckoned with.  His 3D work is something to get wet over, really.  I am going to send him another email or two (we were in contact with one another over Xmas break), and I also plan to send material to Peepshow (a firm with similar taste to Jullien's).

All the places I'm applying for are in London, which is a bit of a concern.  I'm having money troubles already.  I don't even know if London is possible.  I know even the thought of my trying to move there for two weeks would put my mom into the hospital.

On a more positive note, I finally got feedback on the Ecommo branding project from earlier in the term.  They decided not to use any of our designs for their official re-brand, but it was an anonymous vote that my design was the best of the four presented.   Woot.

2/25/9 :: Visualizing the Self

Today we had a one-day brief to be done in the span of a few hours.  We had to find 8 images and create two compositions, the first describing how see ourselves now, and the second how we see ourselves 5 years from now, working as professional designers.  Each set of four was to contain the following (starting in the upper left and going clockwise): a photo conveying mood, an event/place, a piece of furniture, and the last being a color and word.

My first mood expresses a feeling of loneliness-- but not necessarily a loneliness with negative connotation.   The activity portrayed is that of making friends and surrounding myself with people that are inspiring.   A set of drawers is my furniture-- to show the activity of collecting experiences, trinkets, and friends.   The faded photograph is my color palette, and the word "introspective" is to describe my self-reflective and nostalgic manner.  

The second set shows me in 5 years.  The mood is described by birds being freed-- me finally being freed from the confines of education.  The second image is my event, which is a nest-- that of a permanent home and an instinct to nurture, whether it be a family or my permanent collection of friends.  My furniture is a library, packed with my love for gaining and using reference.  And last, the colors are both fiery and tranquil, working in tandem with one another.  My final word is "affected"-- as in I hope my work is intelligent and affected by all that I have experienced.

At the end of the crit, we were given our next brief which is prepare our resume, cover letters, and portfolio for application for a 2-week work placement at a design firm of our choice.  No idea where I want to go, but I'm thinking London could be nice.

Can't stop listening to Patrick Wolf.  Particularly the song "Eulogy."  So beautiful.

2/24/9 :: Fragile

Last day in London was a fragile one.  We had to get up at 7am to check out of the hostel and get to the second half of the 4 Designers lectures.  When I got in my seat at the lectures, I was out cold.   The first speaker droned on for aaaages, and I slept on Dan's shoulder through it all.   After his speech was finished, we had a bit of an intermission before the last two designers came in.  Dan, Shonagh, and I made a break for it and decided we'd just rather be at Burger King than in that auditorium, sleeping.  

We had ourselves some hangover burgers and cigarettes, and then went for a walk to Oxford Street to get Shonagh's phone fixed up.  After that, we picked up our bags from the hostel and made our way back to King's Cross to catch the train home.  We played some card games, and I wrote postcards to everyone at home.

I took my cab to Grassmarket and picked up a pizza for dinner.  I could barely keep my eyes open to eat it.  Another zonk-out sleep.  

Overall, it was the best trip.  I know that I need to spend a significant portion of my young life in London-- it is the city for me.  I just hope that someday, somehow it works out.  Regardless, I can't wait to go back at the end of March!

2/23/9 :: Best Day In London

This day was my absolute favorite day in London, and perhaps my favorite day in the entire UK so far.  It started out by going to the 4 Designers Lecture Series (the reason we went to London).  The speakers were quite good-- first a German modernist speaker named Matt from Projektt Triangle and the second speaker was named Frances from D&AD.  Afterward, we broke into smaller groups and went on a studio visit.  Our studio was called Brand Environment-- a small firm that deals solely with branding.  The studio was great, but their work was a bit drab.  Afterward, we all stopped for a coffee at a lovely cafe and chatted.

Once we split ways with the studio group, I walked around with Dan Buxton for a long time-- we got to know each other a lot more on this trip, and I am so glad.  He is honestly just the most lovely person.  One of my favorite moments from all of London was when he and I had a pint on a balcony in Covent Square Garden, overlooking a market and listening to a street performer who had a thing for Bob Dylan. 

Once we finished our drinks, we went and had a fantastic dinner with Fergus at Zizzi-- a great italian joint.  Shannon met up with us there, as we had planned to go on the London Eye together, a giant ferris wheel by Big Ben.  When we got there, we found it to be closed, so Dan gave me a proper foot tour of London instead.  We walked around for hours and did some site-seeing.  This was so incredibly fun for me.  Didn't mind feeling like a tourist one bit.

Just when we absolutely couldn't walk anymore, we had a sitdown in Picadilly Circus-- an area that reminds me a bit of a timid Times Square.  We got a call that our friends were going out to a bar near the Odeon.  We freshened up at the Hostel and met everyone at a bar called Yates.  We got sloppy drunk, and it was just so enjoyable to be out with my classmates.  Every time we do something like this together, we get a little bit closer and I feel a little bit more at home.  

By the time we left the bars, the underground was closed.  We made a 45 minute walk home, trashed and lost.   Dan had his arm around me the whole way, and I couldn't have been more happy, despite the fact that my feet were swollen to the size of tanks.

Never have I fallen asleep so swiftly.  Absolutely the best day ever.

2/22/9 :: London Shopping

Today was my first day really getting to explore London.  We were up early and out the door-- we were to meet Sara Fox at a bus station.  She was going to lead us to Spitalfield Market, which turned out to be one of the best outdoor markets I'd ever been to.  I bought a new dress and a deliciously colorful meal-- rainforest salad.  

After the market, we went shopping along Brick Lane, which was an area lined with vintage shops and people selling things outside on blankets.  I found the most amazing dress shop called Derimeya, and I bought a dress there for 58 quid.  I absolutely had to.  It had cupcakes on it...

We also stopped at perhaps the best cafe I'd ever been to (rivals Beehive).  It was full of lights, and the entire front of the shop was a giant window.  Dan Buxton and I shared a beer with our feet hanging out the window, smoking cigarettes.  Fantastic afternoon.

2/21/9 :: The Gypsy King

Post is titled the gypsy king after a patrick wolf song that i have loved for a long time, and coincidentally just took the journey this song describes:

I recall when I was younger

There was a fire to travel the world

And shine with a passion

But as ambition shoots blank

Day by Day

On a train from Edinburgh

to the King's Cross Rain...

On Saturday I took the train from Waverely Station in Edinburgh to King's Cross in London.  It was my first train ride, and it was a brilliant one.  I taught Dan how to play Spit.  I was in stitches the whole way to London.  When we arrived, we settled into the hostel and did some walking about for food.  I couldn't believe how clean the city was.  Soon after, I found myself surprised at how expensive it was as well.

We took the underground to Camden (my first time on that as well), and I think it is BRILLIANT. The USA really needs to catch on in terms of public transportation.   In Camden, we went out dancing at a swanky club, and I made myself content by getting as sweaty as possible.  It was a genius night in London, and when it was time to go back to the hostel, I was not ready.

2/20/9 :: Self-Promote

Crit on the 2-color, 1-sided self promo postcard tomorrow.

A website redesign is in order, eh?

2/19/9 :: Body Image

Tired of all the skinny girls in brown leather boots.  

I'm probably just jealous.

What a shit week.  I bought myself flowers.  White and purple carnations and daisies.  

Hopefully London will be good.

2/18/9 :: New Reads

Three new books today.  Starting with Burgess, and then moving into Kafka shortly after.  Got new shoes too.  No more soles flopping off for me.   Saw Slumdog Millionaire at the Odeon with friends at 8:15pm.  I am SO tired of the childhood-friends-destined-to-be-lovers theme.  It seems to be the hottest new STD in Hollywood, and I'm bored.  

NEXT.

Need to do a proper update with photos of some of my clothing purchases-- of which there have been many.  For someone who is as unfashionable as I am, I sure can spend a lot of dough.

2/17/9 :: New Jam Equipment

I got bored.  

Suddenly it becomes clear why I was saving all those pizza boxes.  New sound equipment constructed in 3 hours and 9 minutes.  The sound off of this thing is killer.

Looks and sounds better in person.

2/16/9 :: Old School Kells

I think I might die from laughing.

The teddy bear sweater sears portrait is legendary.

2/15.5/9 :: Reads

love the way it feels to finish a really good book.

2/15/9 :: Moshi Moshi

Come on, Edinburgh, is this the best you've got?  I tried to go for sushi again.  There was no eel on the menu, if that gives you any indication of what I'm dealing with over here.  Us Detroit girls take our maki seriously, and this just isn't going to cut it.

The quality of their salmon itself is actually not bad-- but something is just off about the way they make rolls in this town.

Haley, I'm going to go find that place you recommended soon.  I'm going to have to.

I'm dying over here.

  

Can't stop listening to The Smiths.

2/14/9 :: Candy Heart

I've really got to sort myself out.  I'm having a bit of an existential crisis.  For a while, it was loads of fun going out at night, and I didn't mind so much that I always went home alone.  I've never really minded being the clown, and I've always dealt with my attraction to men in a loud or joking way.  Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.  Now, my attitude is slowly morphing into that of a lonely soul.  

What is it that I'm trying to do here?  On the surface, it really just looks like I'm trying to fetch a mate, but that's not the case at all.

I just want something that really strikes me, you know?  The nights where you're just lying in good company and having conversations that make you feel different.  I've had many of those nights before, and I keep them close in my memory when I'm feeling down.  Parties are fun, but they don't matter in the morning.  I'm trying to regain a healthier and more self-sufficient mindset.  

(Fuck, how much more self-sufficient can you be expected to be when you move to another country all alone?)   

A bit more than this.

I can't force myself into meaningful interactions, and that's always been my struggle. 

The moon changes, and that's when it all floods in.

POSITIVE ENERGY IN THESE VARIETIES: i want to live more like that.

2/12/9 :: missing you, no. 9's...

I got a package from my mom and dad today.  Lots of candy, a memory card for my camera, and my favorite suit coat that I forgot at home. Majah said it cost her 52 dollars to send.   I bit the ends off of the licorice she sent and sucked up my cranberry juice through it like a straw.

i saved latin.  what did you ever do?

2/11/9 :: A New Set of Plans

The night started out right, but it didn't end well.  A chat with Josh made me realize that I might need to make some adjustments for myself.  I want to take a step back and re-evaluate what is important.  

It's hard though.  I'm not really good with self-discipline.

It's easier to just be the clown.

2/10/9 :: Toothbrush

Last night was completely ridiculous, and as much as I would like to tell you about my drunken antics, I have a much more serious matter to discuss:  my toothbrush.

Within my first two weeks of living here, my toothbrush went missing.  The older flat-owner, Lea, had gone away for the weekend (and I assume mistakenly) took my toothbrush with her.  I was really disturbed to think that she probably had been using mine for those first two weeks, thinking it was hers.  *Shudders*

I got over it.  I got a new toothbrush.  A delightful green one from Superdrug.  I was getting quite attached to it actually, and then, the following incident occurred.

Last night, when I flung myself back into my flat after the club, I was feeling quite sick, of course.  But once I had finished expelling mishmash from my stomach, I made the healthy decision to brush my teeth.  (Sensible, yes?)  I looked around for my toothbrush-- gone.  No where to be found.  I thought I was just too stupid drunk to see it, so I went to bed, teeth unsatisfied.

This morning, as I'm making myself something to eat, I decide to be friendly and unload the dishwasher.  Low and behold... there is my toothbrush, along with all the other toothbrushes from the bathroom... in the dishwasher, among the forks and knives and other eatery tools.

Who puts someone else's toothbrush in the dishwasher??  

I'm starting to think people in this country are completely mad.

And I'm keeping my new red toothbrush in my room.

2/9.5/9 :: Wolves

someday my pain,

will mark you.

harness your blame, 

and walk through.

with the wild wolves around you

in the morning, i'll call you.

send it farther on.

solace my game,

it stars you.

swing wide your crane

and run me through.

and the story's all over you.

in the morning, i'll call you.

can't you find a clue 

when your eyes are all painted sinatra blue.

what might have been lost

what might have been lost

don't bother me.

just sorting through some pictures and thoughts.  beer and cigarettes and red lipstick-- we married ourselves.  it was always good.  

it's sick sometimes, the conclusions you can come to when you're looking through other people's photographs.

i'm not sad or anything.  it's just some late night thinking.

2/9/9 :: Cloudy

Look at my face.

Today is Monday, and I tried to make a decent day for myself.  

I went to a sushi bar today for lunch-- one that I spotted across the street when we went to the cinema the other night.  It was 12 quid (18 dollars!) for some of the most mediocre sushi I've ever tasted.  I was CRUSHED.  I'm going to start having wet dreams about Oslo's caterpillar rolls.  If I don't find a decent sushi place around + someone to go with, I might snap.

It's about time for me to leave the studio and make myself some sort of dinner.  There's been a lull in the excitement around here.  I think I'm going to finally finish One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

2/8/9 :: Sunday Mornin Comin Down

I want to tell you a secret.  What would you say if I told you that I never got out of bed today?  I've been lying in my bed, in my pajamas, watching movies and facebooking all mother-fing day.

When I woke up this morning I simply realized that I had absolutely NOTHING to do.  

I made lunch. 

I watched a few movies.

Smoked too many cigarettes.

Listened to Johnny Cash with my feet on the windowsill. 

I wish I had someone to lie around with on days like these.  Shoot the shit.

Sundays seriously make me want to cry with how depressing and lonely they can be.  

Ahhh, but... 

I don't cry anymore.

And

Monday is tomorrow.  

Tomorrow will be better.

2/7/9 :: Birthday Holes

The tragus is my newest edition to my face of metal.  I got it done this afternoon, and Shannon came along.  Afterward, I walked up to the Royal Mile to get some incense.  Nag Champa just might be the most delicious, sexiest smell ever.  Is it just me?  Yeah?  Alright. 

Joe and I made ourselves the most ridiculously large and delicious Mexican feast tonight, and then ate it on his floor in front of the tv.  We ate so much that just the sight of our dirty plates was making us sick.  Success.

  We went to Shannon's and watched the Diving Bell and The Butterfly afterward.  Good film, but I'd be down for something new and affecting.  Joe walked me home through the Meadows.  When I got back to my room, I piddled on the internet until I couldn't stand it anymore.  I'm sick of looking at a screen.  I want to look into a face for a change.

Today is my brother's birthday.  Even though you're not reading, have a good one, dude.

2/6/9 :: Your Mum

That's why I like it here with you

in between the                    where

and the                THE

here.

(cough))   

               pan to the left----------------------

YOU'RE AT THE CENTER

               pan to the right----------

                               there you are again

at the center

[making things happen]

the panoptic feedback dilating 

...  .... ....

"our" Main Street, a thousand miles separate

see you at Starbucks

or some other bookseller 

pushing expensive coffee and designer fetish.

Went to the cinema tonight and saw Benjamin Button with a bunch of friends.  I miss ballet.

I've been spending entire afternoons, snoozing in a giant pile of teddy bears. 

It's still a lonely life, but it's a delightfully fuzzy one at least.

2/5/9 :: The Downfall

I have failed you, blog followers, and for that I will be eternally regretful.  I think perhaps the most important thing you can do, however, is to bounce back-- no matter what.  I could BS some photos and topics about the days I've missed, but it would be pointless.  What's interesting is the here and now, and there is a lot and nothing to say.

A variety of happenings-- some academic, some embarrassing, but mostly drunken.  It's the Edinburgh that brings out the lush in me.  Or maybe it's the whisky.  I don't know who to blame.

I've been having fun, racing the clock and my body with price tags and mixed drinks.  Counting the number of blinks before I can have another witty conversation or possibly coy interaction with a sweet.  Body image is always an issue, but the mental health skyrockets and plummets moment-to-moment depending on what I'm being given or denied.  

I think the entire idea of living in another country for a short time is an extremely romantic one, so I bet you will never guess where my head is these days.  

IN THE CLOUDS!

In my bedroom.

In a book.

In the back seat.

I'm revving up for another quick fix of mental and physical stimulation.  

2/1/9 :: Two of Six

A day into my second month of this strange land.  The funny thing about documentation is that although it's a record of living-- it's hardly a record of life.  I've come a long way to go such a short distance.  Minor triumphs over washing machines and counting money mean little to the grander scheme, which is usually just shit talk and memory loops.

I'm lighting up smokes and telling stories.  I'm wondering about faces and examining their documents.  Passes and yes pleases.  I'm assigning roles and passing out IOUs.  I'll get back to you.  I'll let you know in a little bit.  Not now, but soon.

"The big moments are yet to come"-- that's just a safety net for the unsatisfied.  I'm always aware of this.  You can't always lie to yourself, but you can make a game of lying to others.  I've been honest here, and even though I don't tell lies, it's still a stand-off every time you communicate with yourself about emotions.  A constant hormone stir.  Me versus...

I'm more than moderately happy and completely unprepared.

And that's the truth.