Saturday, January 10, 2009

1/10/9 :: The Teddy Bear Wing Ding

Nevermind the fact that I look like a complete goober-- this is one of three photos I managed to get (thanks jamie) at the massive party this evening, aka The Teddy Bear Wing Ding.  That's Piotr, a lovely boy in my class who is collecting teddies for his personal project for the exhibition.  I do believe he has close to 200.  : )

I've been excited for the party all week, but today I started to get awfully nervous.  I started drinking before I left, hoping it would loosen me up a bit.  I tend to overanalyze everything and then become like a deer in headlights in social situations.  

It started off well when we were in a smaller group, mostly made up of my classmates.  Soon, however, there were so many people you could barely move.  All the girls were so beautiful and trendy.  I thought girls in America were impressive-- these women have style!  I instantly could tell I was going to have to put a bit more effort into myself if I wanted to catch a beau.  Overall, I had fun, but I was quite uncomfortable.  I spent most of the night running about, trying to find someone to talk to as not to feel completely out of the loop.  I'd spend a moment talking to someone, then a new person would step in and hug my friend-- off they would go.  I'd be left standing there, feeling like I'd gone to a bar alone.

I could tell though, that if I was more comfortable, it would have been a great party.  It reminded me of CAID in many ways, right down to the sloppy, muddy floor.  I know six months is a long time to get to know people, and Shonagh said some really kind things to me before I left about how well I fit in.  I wish I felt that way.  Everyone is so incredibly nice that I already can tell it won't be long before it gets better.  I just don't quite feel like I have a place yet.  It's so hard going from being the loudest, extroverted party-thrower in Detroit to the quiet new girl here in Edinburgh.  It's not a role I'm particularly used to, and it makes me a bit sad.  I'm used to being the one who is dancing on people, pouring the drinks, or ripping my pants open on accident.  Standing alone is a new one (nobody puts baby in the corner).

I'm trying to keep my chin up.  I know I have a lot of time here, and I'm just getting started.  First party survived.  Now it's time for some sleep, and tomorrow is another day. 

2 comments:

Joosh said...

Glad to see you updated the blog, I was in need of something to read. Time will massage out all of your doubts, stresses, frustrations, and impatience or what have you. Do bear in mind toots, that you have had so many wonderful experiences in barely a week!!... I am so excited for you, and glad that you got this opportunity. I miss you lots too. Detroit definitely won't be as loud, as fun, or as... exposed without you this semester. But It's ok, this time apart will just strengthen our friendship. lol. Stay chipper dewd!

Lots of luck!

<3 Joosh

Py said...

I think you need to introduce your new friends to some of those sweet detroit sounds.