5/27/10:: The New Summer

I feel a bit odd writing here, as I've been uber-neglectful of my blogging-life for a while now. I graduated college, believe it or not. I now have a BFA in graphic design from College for Creative Studies of Detroit, Michigan. Whew. It's weird how four years of my life gets summed up in one sentence. Nice and tidy-- I kind of like it.

I've moved back home to Pittsburgh, and I am living with my parents while I sort out a job/apartment. I'd been dreading this move for such a long time, but now that I've done it, it actually has been really good to me. The stress is miles away, and I've been enjoying summer days of bike riding, book reading, car washing, badminton, mocha frapps, trips to the city, and all other sorts of mini-joys. The best part of it is the weather making it so easy to fill up my days. Every morning I awake and think I hear rain-- I pull back the shade, and WALA! Gorgeous summer day. It's like my brain just refuses to believe that this kind of weather happens to people like me.

The job-front is a war I'm currently fighting. I've had one awesome interview, and it has resulted in a test project. I've been tinkering around with it for a few days now, and I am getting anxious to know where it will lead.

Oh, I also cut 8 inches of my hair off and dyed it blonde. So that's awesome too.

My family is starting to buzz with the news of our beach trip to California. We went last year, and now it is a yearly event. What makes it 5 billion times more exciting is the fact that my amazing friend from Edinburgh is coming with me. The day is approaching super fast, but it still can't get here soon enough. So much has happened since we first hatched this plan-- and now that the major college obstacles are behind me, it is making the wait even MORE excruciating.


It's my favorite part of the summer day right now-- 7pm. Sun is just setting, the breeze kicks in, and it's ALLLL good.


Back to work though. Ay dios.

4/16/10:: Tummy aches, David Bowie, and Progress

These are the two projects I'm currently working on for my typography IV class.

The first is a laser-cutting project where we had to choose an environment, create a narrative, and then use laser-cutting to create a typographic sculpture for our narrative. My environment is my bed, and my narrative is: In my sleep, I can I live the life I want.
The form is a modern interpretation of a dream-catcher and is 36x64". It will be suspended at an angle (almost parallel) over my bed. It's made of 6 panels of white bristol, and the laser-cutting was thanks to Zoyes Creative Group in Ferndale, Michigan.
The panels will be sewn together with clear thread.




The following is a create-your-own-typeface project. We had to choose an environment and then design a typeface for it. My environment was Edinburgh, Scotland, and my typeface is pulled directly from the map of Edinburgh. The upper-half of each glyph is pulled from a section of Edinburgh's northern and griddy New Town, while the bottom half is from the winding, southern Old Town map. The typeface will also include a series of dingbats that are icons for some of the attractions of Edinburgh. Each character is hand-drawn in Illustrator and then imported, spaced, and kerned with Font Lab. The typeface will eventually be showcased in two 30x40" posters, which are still under construction.







Whew.
These are just two of the 8 or 9 projects I have going on right now.
I've been busy, jah.

3/12/09:: Busy Beez

It's been an insane week here in Apartment 322! Josh has been gone for the week, so I've had the place to myself-- frantically working away in anticipation for my week in NYC. The goal was to finish reworking pieces for my portfolio as well as complete the coursework I'll be missing next week. *Wipes sweat off of brow*

Ollie and I have been spending loads of quality time together too. Movie nights and early morning coffees by the window.



Reworked version of my 3-DIMENSIONAL poster from my Advanced VisCom I last semester. It's a crappy screenshot + photo mockup of what the finished thing will look like. New layout and typography.


An original typeface I'm creating for my Typography IV class this semester. This is the very first sketch/drawing-- we had to just form the letters for 'Yankee Doodle went to town.' We had to choose an object, location, or event to inspire the typeface. My typeface is inspired my coffee sessions in Edinburgh. :D


Snuggling down with my bebes <3




Courtney and I went shoppppinngggg. I got some new things for spring! :)

3/5/10:: Everything is going to be alright.

So it's officially spring break now. Big excitement, big scare as well. The first half of the semester has been both hellish and rewarding.

Midterm grades
Typography IV: B+
Portfolio/Presentation: B-
Advanced VisCom II: A

This upcoming week is huge for me, emotionally and work-wise. It's spring break, yes, but for me-- it is going to be the week that I really have the opportunity to pull my life together. I have tons of work to do for my portfolio class, as well as my senior thesis. I've been slipping farther and farther behind on reworking my projects for my portfolio, and I have mountains of work to do for the classes I'll be missing the week after break for NYC. It is my absolute dream right now to finish out my last 7 weeks of my college education feeling prepared, organized, and in-charge of my work. I couldn't stand to continue on OR end my college career the haphazard way they've been these past few weeks.

Also, my parents are coming for a short visit tomorrow night. Josh is leaving this evening for a week in Florida, so I extended an impromptu invitation for my parents to come up to the city and see Detroit. They've never stayed with me here, and we've never really gotten along peacefully for longer than 10 minutes. I invited them up to do something fun here, and to try to show them that I am responsible and I DO have a life here in Detroit. Their view of the city is that is a horrible place, and I hope that showing them the reality of my life here might help them understand that it's not such an open-and-shut case that I'm going right home after graduation. I also want to at least TRY to make a step forward in our daughter-parental relationship, since the past 4 years have been rather terrible between us.

That said, all this is leading up to my trip to NYC next week, where I'll be seeing Shannon, Shonagh, and a few other legendary Scotland friends. The reason I'm so adamant about this week being so successful is that I've been looking forward to NYC being fabulous for months now. It would be so great for me to be able to go and leave my organized, ready-to-go school life back here in Detroit, and just have a week to focus on the other parts of myself. My thirst for friendships, travel, freedom... I want to be able to do nothing but enjoy myself all week long. I know it's in my power, but it's going to require a lot of preparation to acquire that state of mind.

SO, here goes nothing.

Tonight:
laundry
clean bathroom
wash kitchen floor
take trash down to dumpsters
febreze furniture/vacuum
finish re-organizing workspace

Spring Break tasks:
-Typography IV homework (typeface ideation/sketches) + email to Chad
-Senior Thesis ideation/research + email to Zack
-Finish reworking Ecommo project (website/letterhead/business card)
-Rework 3D poster
-Rework Sweet Bee's Annual Report
-Revise Self-Identity/Research "Sharing" interface
-Ideation/Production of Voicemail Installation

-Mail Joe's package
-Purchase new book
-Clean out/back-up laptop



SO much to do.
But I'm too determined to fail.
Only a little bit longer, and I'm not going to crumble in the end.

3/2/10:: I HAVE AN IMPORTANT CATCHY SAYING THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING

I don't know about you, but I am absolutely SICK of seeing this kind of bullshit on design blogs, circulating around the design world. There's gotta be at least 9 million of these super stupid sayings being posted around, being called interesting works of design. Who likes this kind of trendy bullshit?

This has been going on for years in the design community. And I wish it would stop.
Every time I see one, I actually want to barf a little.

2/22/10:: Clusterfuck

a typical night.
it's 5:00am.

these photos don't even do the cluster-fuck justice.
honestly.
it covers every inch of my apartment.

still unprepared.

2/6/10:: No wise words

A rather stagnant time, this past week has been. Haphazard encounters with friends and the opposite sex, coupled with budget breaking and mild stress. While the rest of the east coast gets pummeled with 2 feet of snow, Detroit remains its same neutral, cold grey.

I finished my wood-working trophy wife project, and it's on display in the Taubman.






I also registered for graduation yesterday, which was both liberating and somewhat numbing. I see leaving CCS as an extremely positive thing, but I am not quite sure what lies beyond that. I'm torn between imagining myself in the happiest, most inspired conditions against living in my parents house and struggling through interview after interview in downtown Pittsburgh.

Whenever I'm in Detroit, I feel like I ride from one broken engagement/promise onto the next, stuffing my face with snack food and cigarettes all along the way.

Turn the page, wash your hands. Turn the page, wash your hands.

1/31/10:: Lumberjacking

1/28/10:: Ani Sent Me This In Class Today

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

LOL.

1/20/10:: The Truth About Cats and Dogs

It's been a pretty long time now (I can't determine exactly HOW long) that I have been having some internal issues with what I'm doing with my life, as far as career and general occupation (time spent, friendships maintained, etc). It's always been difficult–I'm not going to pretend that when I started my time at art college that I found what I was doing to be easy or natural. Struggle has always been present. It's the invigoration and the desire to succeed that has capsized, and it's this that has really come to worry me.

When I look back at my first two years at CCS, I see a very different person from who I have become today. I used to lecture people on the importance of college, and I used to elevate my work to a holy level. I was invigorated by every new challenge, and the way I looked at the work in design annuals was nothing short of a worshiping gaze. I was getting amazing marks, and I was consistently ahead of the curb, even when my projects weren't entirely successful. Even in failure, I was absorbing things, and I was fierily determined to make a mark, make a successful gesture, receive a compliment, and try something new.

It seems to me, however, that somewhere along the line, for me anyway, the "magic" that I once saw in a creative career has been lost. Not to say that I don't enjoy creativity or enjoy the fruits of hard labor anymore, but I have just come to decide that I no longer align myself with the way people in this industry function. For example, I used to marvel at the works of David Carson, Stefan Sagmeister, Tomato... and now, I have a hard time looking at them without thinking, "Oh, they are on another level." "They are rock stars." "They are fully caught up in a shroud of design arrogance and bullshit that just doesn't apply to my practical experience and struggles with design." As often as I try to re-evaluate this outlook, I don't find myself changing my mind.

Now that I am on the brink of graduation, my professionalism has come under serious scrutiny by my peers (not verbally, but it is felt) and especially by my school's faculty. No longer a star student, I have been told time-and-time again over the past two years that my typographic skills are weak, I don't experiment enough, I am too stuck on unoriginal ideas, I am not editing properaly, and that my overall body of work is not where it should be for someone "at my level." I am struck down and dumb-founded by this, as I am a second semester senior sitting on a 3.6 GPA. Where did I go wrong? Was it when I stopped feverishly loving design? Probably. But I'm not sure it's possible to force yourself to love a career or process if, for the most part, you despise its underlying mythologies.

The mythology of design is truly that it needs to be intelligent and exhaustive. You need to be culturally aware, explore things from every angle, and at the end of the day, produce extremely pointed and perfectly crafted work. No room for mistakes conceptually or in actual execution. Choosing a typeface from the wrong era-- how foolish! Using stripes instead of a self-created pattern based on socio-cultural observations-- how lazy, how boring, how predictable!

I can't argue that these people are all wrong. Good work does come from this sort of thinking, I agree. But somewhere along the line, there isn't a welcoming bow to people willing to learn. I truly feel like 'you get it or you don't' at this point, and there is little room in the modern art school for people that struggle. People that aren't completely moist with trends and the latest doo-dad available via CS4. Reading books like "How to be a graphic designer without losing your soul"-- a book created for students on the brink of career-- seem absolutely absurd to me. This book outlines what it takes to be a designer today, and to me, it just seems like a ridiculous checklist of traits that are superhuman. Who is perfect at all of these things? How snobby do I have to be to produce great work and be accepted in the design community? Maybe I am being overly harsh, but the fact remains in that this profession seems to demand an outlook and interest that I just do not hold. My values do not lie in schmoozing my way to the top, being a typeface snob, clouding forms with mountains of process. I'm an advocate for living and letting creativity flow from experiences. I believe in working to live, not living to work, which seems to have caused others to brush me aside and take me less seriously as a designer. I guess they are right about that-- since my portfolio is apparently a disaster.

At some point in my academic career, I have bumped into the category of the hopeless, the lazy, and the sloppy. In my reviews now, there is little praise and lots of shaking heads which all seem to be saying, "What have you been doing for the past three years not to produce anything worthwhile?" The truth is that I don't know. I never imagined myself to be one semester away from a professional career and suddenly feeling like I was never cut out for this.

Now, when I need it most, I find myself without the drive to fix things. I find myself bored of the hoity-toity design world, and I find myself happiest when I am far away from it. For any psychologist and probably every "professional designer," this is where they turn away from me, abandon all hope in my progress, and tell me to look into another profession. Not an option, people. I am almost 100k in this thing, and I wasn't always this cynical. No one is owning up to the fact that art schools and the design field in general are destroying people emotionally and creatively. I feel there is something seriously wrong with starting out invigorated with excitement and drive for success and leaving absolutely depressed and hating everything and everyone associated with my field of choice. I find something seriously wrong with letting someone get to their final year in education ON THE DEAN'S LIST, and then basically tell them they have no chance of being successful in the real world. When I point my finger, three fingers DO point back at me... and that's fine. I'll take that. But it doesn't make it any easier to solve my current problem. It doesn't answer my questions. It doesn't make every single night that I sit depressed at my computer any easier. It doesn't make design fun again. It doesn't do anything for my self-confidence.

There doesn't seem to be anything left for me to do besides try to ignore all these internal conflicts and just do the best I can to get out of here and get a job. I don't think, however, that my walk into the job market is going to go smoothly. And I don't think I'm going to leave here feeling good about the $100,000 I've spent on this education. To me, I feel like I've spent the money on a lot of projects that I am going to have to redo anyway... and a great feeling of self-doubt and inadequacy. I came in with guns-blazing, and I am leaving with my head down, smoker lungs, and a serious feeling of general melancholy about my future. I used to be full of life and vigor, and now I feel like half of myself. I just want to cry every day that I am forced to go to school and talk about art like it actually makes any sense. It all just seems like a bunch of conceptual bullshit. If someone as eager to learn as I was has no place in this field, then who does? The people wearing the most layered v-necks?
To me, this is the definition of a poor investment.

Ah, but what to do about it anyway.

11/16/09:: So Fre$h, So Clean

Sooooo, I'm taking my senior studio next semester with THAT guy-- a guest instructor at my college. (Zach... also known as Beverly Fre$h.) 

 Needless to say, I'm pretty excited about this.  

Check out more of his work here:

http://www.beverlyfresh.com

11/15/09:: In Response To Joe Rudi

My chaotic workspace.

Joe, yours is much more charming than mine.

11/15/09:: Anybody Home?

*Knock Knock*

Does anybody even read this?  Anybody out there?

I'm not sure this blog serves a purpose anymore, but onward, progress, so it seems...

I am, however, sure that I am spending far too much time thinking about how cute my cat is.

I'm awake early this morning after a hopefully sustaining 3.5 hours of sleep. Had a good Skype-session with my good mates o'er the ocean, and although it always nice to their shimmering (but not shiny) faces, it only gets harder and harder to be here every time we chat.

I'm currently at work on three major projects, none of which are at any stage of being ready for sharing, but I do hope to start putting up some work soon.

1. Annual Report for Sweet Bee's Sugar Shop

a children's book-esque piece that documents a year in business for this fake company

2. Propaganda piece for Starbucks Coffee Drinks- Stop using the paper cup!

a paper cup with dashing insults pointing at the user to guilt them into using a mug.

3. Re-branding of Detroit Transportation: ddot, the people mover, woodward light rail

...i have no idea. which is a major problem.

Ahhh, but it's almost time to register for my LAST SEMESTER OF CLASSES!

I'M GRADUATING IN MAY, BETCHES!

Boy, you really have no idea how exciting this is for me.

So far, my prospective schedule is as follows:

Advanced Visual Communications II 

Tech/Professional Portfolio

Independent Study- Silkscreen

*some other class to keep me as a full-time student that I haven't yet chosen*

possibilities:

-ceramics: intro to wheel throwing

-letterpress for 21st century

-art history

-fibers: intro to weaving

I'm considering taking a fine art studio, but the idea of having 4 studios really lessens the excitement of having only 12 credit hours...

Ho hum.

To be determined...

11/14/09:: What If

Some ideas I've been throwing around:

1. I'm considering quitting smoking the day after my 23rd birthday. (July 11th 2010)

2. I'm considering taking an independent study next semester in the fine arts department: silk-screening.

3. I'm considering getting a minor in Art History since I am only two classes away from it, but unfortunately my favorite professor isn't teaching any of the 300-400 level art histories next semester. So hmph.

4. I'm considering joining the YMCA in January to take kickboxing and pilates classes.

5. I'm still considering working my way through the 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die book over the next two years.

6. I'm considering applying for a job on campus working on promotional materials for the college. Not sure I want to do that, but I could use the money. Seriously.

7. I'm considering opening up a shop on etsy when I graduate to sell things that I will make in my spare evenings–silkscreen cards, journals, hand-sewn pet toys, and other random things. This will be the Scotland fund... maybe.

8. I'm considering deleting everyone out of my phone, and then only adding people back as they contact me. Since no one seems to ever do that–this will eliminate a lot of my feeling sad when people ignore my calls/texts.

Just ideas at this point.

But just by odds alone, one of them is bound to happen, right?

balance beam

8/1/09 :: Motivation-ish

now i'm hunched over a typewriter.  i guess you call that paintin' in a cave
and there's a word i can't remember and a feeling i cannot escape.
and now my ashtray's over-flowin' and i'm still starin' at a clean, white page.
oh and morning's at my window--  she is sending me to bed again.

7/17/09 :: Crash

What's inspiring me these days?  There's a lot.  Now that I am back state-side, I am being walloped on the head with the approaching reality of my return to Detroit this fall.  Expectations for me and my work are high, and as for right now, I am really feeling the pressure to produce work with some sort of new insight.  

Instead of feeling the rush of motivation, I feel overwhelmed.  What is my style?  At what point do I feel confident that I'm doing something that works and not just re-using the same old tricks?  Where do my talents actually lie in the design world?  Should I be focusing in or reaching out?

I look at the AIGA 365, and I think I need to be trying to vary my projects.  I look at Jean Jullien, and I want to focus in and discover a style that suits me-- and then see how far I can run with it.  And then I look at the work of my peers, and I wonder if I'm measuring up.

I know all of these views are useless, and all I need to do is to make make make.  And to do that, you have to dive in... fearlessly.  But I am afraid.  Definitely very, very afraid.  There was something in Edinburgh that made me feel alive-- and now I'm starting to realize that maybe it was that I had freedom from this.  Freedom from creative bondage-- bondage to my work, to deadlines, to expectation.

That's life, eh?

I'm just hoping I can find some sort positive undercurrent within myself to guide me through these projects.  I hope I strike gold.

In the meantime, I'm just going to have to turn up my music and try, try again.

6/3/9:: Design Fail and The Bachelor

Another day of lazing.  I got up around 1pm, and I walked my unshowered self to HMV on Princes Street to buy the new PWolf album that was released on June 1st.  After seeing him perform it live and hearing it on myspace, I had a pretty good idea of what to expect-- I'd already memorized most of the tracks.  Still, I am floored by how powerful it is.  Can't wait to get it home and listen to it in my car.  I know at first I had my doubts about this new super-produced sound, but now I can't get enough of it.  Favorites: Hard Times, The Sun is Often Out, The Bachelor, Count of Casualty.

It was another day of watching my phone for Andy's call and trying to ignore the turning of the calendar.  

In other news, I have a motion piece due on Friday-- a title sequence for a television show called Get A Move On... a program about people buying and selling homes/property.  Since I don't have any video equipment here, I did a solid effort on putting together a stop-motion piece.  I was gutted to find that after three hours of work, I had made something shit-awful.  The camera was bouncing, the composition was stink, and the flash murdered everything.  I really hope I'm able to relocate my design talent over the summer...

Regardless, I've decided to give up on it and find something better to do on Friday than go to the critique.  I feel guilty, but it's not being assessed, and I know it won't matter.  Every time I get myself worked up over a project here, I am furious to find that it means nothing.  I guess I'm used to the pummeling CCS always gives to half-assed effort.  Also, I'm still a bit miffed at ECA about how I was treated when I turned in my assessment work.  I'll just make sure to make Friday count in some other way.

Speaking of assessment though... I go to view the senior's degree show tomorrow, as well as get my final marks for the two terms.  Should be an interesting day to say the least... 

We are the makers of music.

We are the dreamers of dreams.

5/10/9 :: All-Nighter

I pulled an all-nighter on this night.  My end of the year assessment at ECA is scheduled for Monday, May 11th, so I had to prepare my work to be reviewed.  Unfortunately, seeing as I actually have no work, I got the idea into my head that I needed to make a digital scrapbook of my trip here (see a few spreads above).  And since I have no printer-- i.e. no way to print off my assignments to be assessed, I made a last-minute run to Bruntsfield to buy a 50 quid printer.  

Lindsey came over and we did the all-nighter together.  Red Bull, lots of cigarettes, and lots of playlists.  I was fine until about 5am.  I started losing my voice and getting a heavy chest cough.  I think I've got the flu.

Got to ECA to drop off my work, only to find that I wasn't on the list of names to be assessed.  Classic.  So glad I put in all that effort for nothing.

5/5/9 :: Outgoing Messages

If it's not going to be given, I'm just gonna have to go get it myself.   

If you're not willing to join me, then I'll have to go alone.

Here's to a better future.