Amidst all the noise that comes with being tossed into a new world comes the stark contrast of lots and lots of quiet. I spend so many hours every day experiencing things alone with myself, contemplating new feelings, and replaying moments over in my head. At night, when I'm alone in my room, I think until I pass out of exhaustion from it. A lot of times I feel guilty for having this opportunity-- like I'm going to somehow blow it. Who am I to have such a gift? My parents have never been beyond Niagra Falls. They deny me nothing.
Most of all, I guess, I just want this to mean something later on down the line. I'm enjoying my time here, but beyond the pub nights and big meals, I want something to really capture me. I want to really learn something about myself. Back in the states, I was always wrestling between my tendencies to be overly introspective and outwardly... a social explosion. But I suppose it's one of those things-- I won't know the change has happened until after the fact. I just want to walk away and know that I've tasted it.