Tuesday, January 20, 2009

1/20/9 :: Quiet

Amidst all the noise that comes with being tossed into a new world comes the stark contrast of lots and lots of quiet.  I spend so many hours every day experiencing things alone with myself, contemplating new feelings, and replaying moments over in my head.  At night, when I'm alone in my room, I think until I pass out of exhaustion from it.  A lot of times I feel guilty for having this opportunity-- like I'm going to somehow blow it.  Who am I to have such a gift?  My parents have never been beyond Niagra Falls.  They deny me nothing.

Most of all, I guess, I just want this to mean something later on down the line.  I'm enjoying my time here, but beyond the pub nights and big meals, I want something to really capture me.  I want to really learn something about myself.  Back in the states, I was always wrestling between my tendencies to be overly introspective and outwardly...  a social explosion.  But I suppose it's one of those things-- I won't know the change has happened until after the fact.  I just want to walk away and know that I've tasted it.  

1 comment:

sea_bear said...

Hey, how's it going? If you haven't guessed, it's Chris :D

Hope you're alright, I didn't get a proper chance to say hello recently. Fancy grabbing a coffee next week?