Wednesday, May 6, 2009

5/6/9 :: Garbage

I've been scanning my trash and things I find lying around on the floor in my room.  I don't know if I'm trying to savor memories or if I'm just suddenly aware of/fascinated by how different my life is here.

I think blogging has a lot to do with loneliness. I often come here to write when I have something I want to tell someone but don't have anyone to tell. Out of all the things I miss from the USA (one huge one being my car), what I think I miss most of all is having a regular phone. Just being able to call one of many people at any time for a chat.

I'd probably call Josh right now.

And I'd tell him about my rejection letters from some of the companies. And how I applied to about 10 more companies. And I'd tell him that I finally talked to Wilson. He seemed to not notice that we haven't talked in a long time-- he's been sick with the flu. .

My room is really, truly trashed. I also have no idea what I'm going to do for my website redesign, which is due on Friday morning. I've thought about it a bit, but nothing really seems to stick with me as a great idea. 

Lindsey and Sara are both mad at me. Partly because I was a total bitch to them when the London thing got cancelled. I can't help feeling like they teamed up on me behind my back. I saw them today, laughing on the street under an umbrella, and they didn't acknowledge me. I wasn't really surprised.

Everything seems like a bad decision. I feel confident in nothing right now. I need to sort things out and start making some choices that I feel truly confident in. I don't know where to start, and I'm not sure I have the energy. 

I need some courage.

It's raining cats and dogs out. How fitting.
No wonder I feel weighted to the bed.


crazy_diamond said...

hey, i stumbled upon ur blog a while back, n i was reading thru a few posts...gosh!!! u hav really come a long way in the past few months!!! the only thing that seems unchanged, is that u still continue to blog about ur day...i would hav normally felt like a voyeur, reading all the details (the reason i don't really read personal blogs :P), except in this case, it almost felt like i was reading my own blog...

btw, by a huge coincidence i am listening to tom petty's "american girl"...i guess u will really identify with the lyrics :)

justlikehoneyyy said...

well, thanks for such a nice comment!
it's funny that you have noticed that i have 'come a long way.' sometimes it feels that way and other times, it doesn't.

i do know that when i go back and read my entries from when i first arrived-- i cringe! i was so tickled to death by every silly little UK-American difference! Haha. seems so silly now. now, edinburgh is just like another home.