Tuesday, May 5, 2009

5/5/9 :: Wit's End

I feel as if I could really just die.  I didn't think it was possible to be so entirely let down by anything as much as I am with ECA.  This morning is the last straw, honestly.

Throughout the entirety of my stay, I have never once really been inspired to do anything.  I've been completely balled over with how I have absolutely nothing to do with my time-- WHERE are all the projects?  The only advice anyone could give me is to start doing things for myself, but the motivation was never there.  I've written about this many, many times.

Finally last night, the feelings I've been longing for since January arrived in full-force.  I had an inspiring idea that would not only be an exceptional way to present my work for my assessment, but also would really help me with getting credit back at CCS.  I stayed up until almost 4am, sketching and preparing to start work on it today.  I emailed Derek about it in a lengthy, well-worded email.  I set my alarm for 7:30am, but I couldn't fall asleep.  I just laid there awake, planning it all out in my head.  FINALLY!

And then... I wake up this morning.  And I check my email for feedback.  And there it is.  The last straw.  

Basically, it was made clear to me that this project would not be assessed and should be completed only if I am "time-rich."  Also-- I got a half-hearted scold/warning that I should be in the studio today to receive feedback on my website from Annie.  This is after I already made the point that my website has not really been much of a project for me, as I already had a fully functioning website before I came to ECA.

It's fine that the projects my classmates are doing are things that I have already done-- but you'd think that ECA would in SOME WAY be willing to work with me to adapt the program so it is beneficial for me.  Because I'm only paying 25,000 dollars to be here.  

They can't even give me a desk in the studio.  I work on top of other people's scrap piles.

I literally have nowhere to go from here.
If ECA were a person, I'd shit on the hood of their car.

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