I'm pretty sure I'm killing myself. My body is giving up. The smell of my ash tray makes me sick to my stomach. I think I would like to quit smoking soon, but I know it is a few years off. I'm a terribly unbalanced person, and I appreciate it as a habit that is a constant comfort. Sadly, smoking keeps me level, and in some instances, it heightens my enjoyment of things. What would a summer drive be without a good song, sunglasses, and a smoke? Still, I can feel my body telling me to stop. Why can't the mind and body communicate in sync with one another? Why has no one figured out how to make cigarettes healthy yet? Tobacco companies would make more money if their buyers would quit dying...
I made a nice day for myself. Took my time getting up and showering. First day in almost four months that I haven't put on make up. Went for groceries and stopped to have a coffee by myself. Doing some laundry and about to make myself a dinner that isn't pizza, cheeseburger, or chips. Had a moment as I was walking around outside when I stopped to really appreciate the fact that I am here. It's such a beautiful place. I wish people who have grown up here knew how spoiled they are.
This morning, Monica (my flatmate) caught me performing a cooking show for Josh via skype in the kitchen. I was doing my best southern accent and was just about to explain how to apply the salad dressing, when Monica walked in. Talk about awkward, hahaha...
If she suspected I was insane before, I've officially just sealed the deal.
2 comments:
we are cutting down if not quitting next year! I'm going to quit for the summer.
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