Sunday, February 1, 2009

2/1/9 :: Two of Six

A day into my second month of this strange land.  The funny thing about documentation is that although it's a record of living-- it's hardly a record of life.  I've come a long way to go such a short distance.  Minor triumphs over washing machines and counting money mean little to the grander scheme, which is usually just shit talk and memory loops.

I'm lighting up smokes and telling stories.  I'm wondering about faces and examining their documents.  Passes and yes pleases.  I'm assigning roles and passing out IOUs.  I'll get back to you.  I'll let you know in a little bit.  Not now, but soon.

"The big moments are yet to come"-- that's just a safety net for the unsatisfied.  I'm always aware of this.  You can't always lie to yourself, but you can make a game of lying to others.  I've been honest here, and even though I don't tell lies, it's still a stand-off every time you communicate with yourself about emotions.  A constant hormone stir.  Me versus...

I'm more than moderately happy and completely unprepared.
And that's the truth.