3/2/11:: Just to see what is

This video/song pretty much embodies my entire [mental] life right now:

3/3/10:: Biebs

I got the Bieber fever fever fever!

2/18/10:: Wish

6am. watching a woman bleed from the neck and listening to bagpipes via youtube.

aching aching aching aching.

insomnia.
wine.


wish i was sleeping.
wish i was in a weeping glen.
wish i was.

pointless.

1/26/10:: "Maybe it's just the wine"

I wake up, it's a bad dream
no one on my side
I was fighting, but I just feel too tired
to be fighting.
Guess I'm not the fighting kind.
Wouldn't mind it if you were by my side,
but you're long gone.
Yeah, you're long gone now.

Where do we go?
I don't even know.
My strange old face,
and just thinking about those days.
I'm thinking about those days.

1/24/10:: These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things...

This looks like my kind of book, hehe.

1/23/10:: Proserpina

This is from Kate McGarrigles' last performance this winter before her untimely death due to cancer at age 63 this week. It's a song she wrote about her daughter (also a brilliant musician), Martha Wainwright, who is seen performing with her here. The song is based on the myth of Persephone (Proserpina in Latin), a daughter who has been tricked into marrying the god of the underworld and can only resurface for 6 months of the year. This song is from the view of the mother, the goddess of gifts such as food, warmth, etc. It's about how, in her wrath and misery for her daughter's yearly departure, she controls the seasons and plagues.

Brings me to tears. Enjoy.

RIP Kate McGarrigle.

11/5/09 :: The Doors

come on, come on, come on, come on

now touch me, baby

can't you see that i am not afraid?

now i'm gonna love you

till the heavens stop the rain.

the mother of my 10th grade boyfriend called me a "desperate woman."

11/1/09:: F F Fashion

Aladdin Sane + Aborted Fetus

Can't stop listening to David Bowie after this weekend of dressing as Aladdin Sane for Funk Night @ The Majestic Theatre. Also, embarrassingly enough, Ewan McGregor's songs from Moulin Rouge have also been in rotation.

There should be more Scottish men in America, jah?

Time to retreat back to normal life. 

Eyes straight ahead, mouth shut, fingers on keyboard.

10/26/09 :: There's So Much To Tell Ya

I believe in freedom

Freedom's apparently all I need

But who's ever been free in this world?

Who has never had to bleed in this world?

10/22/09 :: These Foolish Things Remind Me Of You

It's a ridiculously cloudy Thursday afternoon, and I keep glancing over to the window, noticing it getting darker and darker outside. I can almost smell the rain from inside. I'm one hour away from the weekend, trying to avoid eye contact with my professor so she doesn't ask me what I've done on my project since Tuesday. (The answer would be “pretty much nothing.”) I'm experiencing a massive case of burn-out-- drained and tired on almost every level. I waste studio time because I can't concentrate, and then I end up forcing myself to stay up super late to catch up, worsening the cycle. 

I'm glad the weekend is almost here. I can rest soon. After I write the seven page philosophy paper that is due tomorrow of course...

Billie Holiday is really suiting my mood today, sitting here with tired eyes, watching the rain roll into the city, and waiting for this final hour of my work week to pass. Sometimes I wish I had an old phonograph to play me this song. A big smoky smelling red recliner chair. My cat sitting on my lap. A big teeshirt and leggings. Maybe some hot tea too.

I like going places in my imagination. In my head, I can live the life I want to.

10/16/09:: There's One In All Of Us

I went to the midnight showing of Where The Wild Things Are tonight. What an interesting film! While at times I felt it gets a little childish with the way the monsters are handled, I often found myself stepping back and admiring it for the same reasons.

First of all, the soundtrack is GENIUS. Bravo Karen O. You nailed it.

Second, the casting is spot on-- the boy is simply adorable and delightful and spirited and absolutely makes the film. The perfect Max.

Third, what I loved most of all about the film is the way the director keeps making suggestions through cinematography, time, lighting, gestures that this is all imagination. There is a fascinating mix of feeling like what you are seeing IS real and it all being a beautiful daydream.

Some of the scenes were shot so beautifully and succinctly with my "dream-world" as a child that it shocked me. It was almost like opening a photo album of my childhood imagination. Things that now there is no physical evidence of, but that I can still recall at will just like any of my "real" memories.

Dark at times, but appropriately so... I really did enjoy it. Part of me wanted to knock it down after all the hype and the theatre packed with plaid shirts and dark-rimmed glasses-- but I think it stood its ground against my cynicism.

Also, the movie was part of a night that was really about me getting back to happiness--something I've been thinking about almost nonstop lately. Daydreaming about Scotland, fighting temptations to complain about my current station in life... 

I've just been majorly caged lately. How appropriate that a night out with a friend (finally) is based around this film, which is all about finding happiness, imagination, being free, making mistakes, conflict/resolution, and contentment with loneliness.

Good film, good night. 

It might have been the reminder I needed.

10/8/09 :: See Her Tumbling Down

Try to ignore the buttsex between Ewan McGregor + Christian Bale at the start of this video. 

It's my favorite song/video sequence from the movie that follows.

I love Velvet Goldmine. 

It always serves as an escape/reminder to times when I've felt free and dominate over my creative demons.

It reminds me of being a teenager and cutting class to drink apple tea and do photoshoots with friends. 

Driving on back roads and somehow feeling like we were the privileged ones.

The ones with the closest connection to art. 

The best taste in music. 

The only ones that "got it."

Which is mostly what the movie is about, at least to me:

Being a part of the group-- having that feeling. And the subsequent fall from grace that occurs when it inevitably has to stop.

That was the best part of being a teenager, and it is also the thing I've most regrettably lost with age.

Not to mention, generally speaking, it's just a great film with great music.

9/20/9:: Re-Entry

Kelly takes on Tampa + 17 hours on the road = photographic gems?

JOSH IS GONE FOR THE WEEKEND!  *Jumps on bed!!*

Just kidding.  It's more like, I will wear his clothes and eat all our food and get nothing done because he is not here to scold me into doing my homework.  Thus, productivity is low at the moment, and I am listening to Les Miserables on full volume because I can (which is either making me more in tune with my inner-revolution or it's turning me into a nutcase).

But really, to the good stuff:

While being back in Detroit has indeed been like finally birthing the child that I've been carrying around for 9 months, part of the satisfaction of it is lost to the fact that, well, it's pretty much the same as it was when I left.  Bummer.  

I play a lot of Guitar Hero.  I'm working on a 3D poster and am plotting ways to get back overseas before next August.  I bought a Remington typewriter today on Ebay.  I wear glasses when I read (finally starting to go blind).  And I'm practicing for married life by trying to shave my legs at least once a week.  My future-husband will appreciate this.  

I've been listening to a lot of Metric, Patrick Wolf, and Arcade Fire.  I also have yet to post Josh and I's pictures from our roadtrip up from Tampa.  That is mostly because they are terrible close-up shots of each other driving/leaning on the hood of the car at rest stops.  We suck.

My first critique since being back went terribly, despite my excitement for the project.  I almost went into tears, as I was running on no sleep and was no longer used to the American art school abuse.  I've gotta callous up.  Turn my creativity back to yellow dead skin.  Yes.  That's phase two of Kelly's Re-entry into American Life.  Hope I don't burn up.  Wish me luck.

I'm temporarily disbanding from the realm of sexual pleasure and emotional involvement.  Although I can live without one or the other, I've never before attempted to subtract both from the equation.  It might turn me into a schoolwork sci-borg, but that's precisely the plan.  Watch me as I master the illusion of passion for my career.  Clap at the end.  It's gonna be a good show.

This is what's been going on.

8/1/09 :: Whatever I Like

Well, that was the funniest thing that's ever happened to me.

I guess my crush on T.I. / my psycho-behavior has been truly outted.

Way to be subtle, Kells.

6/3/9:: Design Fail and The Bachelor

Another day of lazing.  I got up around 1pm, and I walked my unshowered self to HMV on Princes Street to buy the new PWolf album that was released on June 1st.  After seeing him perform it live and hearing it on myspace, I had a pretty good idea of what to expect-- I'd already memorized most of the tracks.  Still, I am floored by how powerful it is.  Can't wait to get it home and listen to it in my car.  I know at first I had my doubts about this new super-produced sound, but now I can't get enough of it.  Favorites: Hard Times, The Sun is Often Out, The Bachelor, Count of Casualty.

It was another day of watching my phone for Andy's call and trying to ignore the turning of the calendar.  

In other news, I have a motion piece due on Friday-- a title sequence for a television show called Get A Move On... a program about people buying and selling homes/property.  Since I don't have any video equipment here, I did a solid effort on putting together a stop-motion piece.  I was gutted to find that after three hours of work, I had made something shit-awful.  The camera was bouncing, the composition was stink, and the flash murdered everything.  I really hope I'm able to relocate my design talent over the summer...

Regardless, I've decided to give up on it and find something better to do on Friday than go to the critique.  I feel guilty, but it's not being assessed, and I know it won't matter.  Every time I get myself worked up over a project here, I am furious to find that it means nothing.  I guess I'm used to the pummeling CCS always gives to half-assed effort.  Also, I'm still a bit miffed at ECA about how I was treated when I turned in my assessment work.  I'll just make sure to make Friday count in some other way.

Speaking of assessment though... I go to view the senior's degree show tomorrow, as well as get my final marks for the two terms.  Should be an interesting day to say the least... 

We are the makers of music.

We are the dreamers of dreams.

5/29/9 :: Patrick Wolf in Glasgow

One of the best nights... ever.

5/19/9 :: PWOLF and Biddys

Guess who is going to see Patrick Wolf in Glasgow!!! (mememememememememe!)

I went with Linds and Sar to get my ticket today, followed by pints somewhere around George Street.  In the evening, we got saucy at Biddy Mulligan's with a few American tourists.  

Highlights (and lowlights):

hearing wonderwall at biddy's (traumatizing)

proposing to lindsey

giving away my tequila shot

ginger minger + 22

5/13/9 :: My English Romance?

always loved this song and the teenagers, but now it's just too true to handle.

bahaha.

5/7/9 :: Rainy Pints

Biddy Mulligans was my night this night.  I went there with Sara and Lindsey-- as moral support for Sara, who undoubtedly needed it in the face of her ex and his family who had come for a visit in Edinburgh.  We did some shots before we left for the pub-- only to be followed by round after round of pints and shots that were purchased in the span of the 5 hours at Biddy's.

It was fine at first, but as we all got drunker, the tension just became too much.  Her ex and his family left abruptly without saying goodbye, and eventually the three of us stumbled out into the rain to walk home.  What a mess.

I got back to my room sometime after midnight, and I could barely see my laptop with the room spinning so violently.  I shared music with Joe before going to sleep though, and he gave me the band Why?.   The Hollows and These Few Presidents put my drunken, stressed out head right at ease.

5/4/9 :: Music Samplings

Here is the playlist that I have had on repeat every morning as I get ready for over four months.  (Some tracks are newer than others.)

1. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Over and Over Again (Lost and Found)

2. Neutral Milk Hotel - The King Of Carrot Flowers (Part One)

3. Xiu Xiu- I Luv The Valley OH

4. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah- Details Of The War

5. Wolf Parade- I'll Believe In Anything

6. Animal Collective- For Reverend Green

7. The Beatles- Ticket To Ride

8. Shocking Pinks- This Arching Deal

9. The Dodos- Eyelids

10. Nico- These Days

11. Fleet Floxes- White Winter Hymnal

12. Panda Bear- Comfy in Nautica

13. DeVotchka- The Clockwise Witness

14. The Pipettes- Dirty Mind

15. The Teenagers- Homecoming

16. The Jesus and Mary Chain- Hardest Walk

17. The Smiths- Shoplifters Of The World Unite

18. Against Me!- Those Anarcho Punks Are Mysterious

19. Panda Bear- Take Pills

I heard an amazing song at Luke's the other night that I really wanted to add, but I couldn't grab his attention to get the title or artist.  

I really love it here, but I really hate not having a car to drive to Walmart at any time of the night to get supplies when I have an urge to make something.  Right now, I really want to make some hemp jewelry.   No luck.  Not only is no place open, but I haven't been able to find hemp anywhere in Edinburgh the entire time I've been here.

I've had mixed feelings about it for the past week, but I'm over it now.  I am ready for my tattoo.  My appointment is Saturday at 12:30.  Wish me luck.

I feel really bad about not taking a picture today on my lunch with Joe, so to make up for it I have posted a really, super super embarrassing video that was taken one EXTREMELY drunken night in London.  I am so good at humiliating myself that it hurts.  Good times, girls.  Not only do I obviously have no sense of key when drunkenly singing, but apparently I also will never learn the words to this song.  The "WANKER!" at the end-- it gets me every time.