Mini-Meditations for May

See the glass already broken: Every rock is formed and every rock will vanish. It is only a matter of when.  Use perspective. And instead of thinking, "Oh my God!," find yourself thinking, "Ah, there it goes..."


Search for the grain of truth in other's opinions: When you judge someone else's opinion, it doesn't say anything about the other person, but it does say something about your need to be judgmental.

Seek first to understand: Become more interested in understanding the other person, rather than being understood.

5/9/12:: Here is the upside: a lesson in being alone

Read this as slowly and as carefully as I wrote it:

Take each step lightly, with balance, in the moment, guided solely by internal values and passions, WITH HONESTY-- rather than trying to formulate plans and strive for certain outcomes. Don't seek perspective. Listen. And above ALL ELSE, be kind.

3/22/12:: Really not surprised

I feel like a completely different person. My insides are clearing out.

But there's this one thing...

On really nice afternoons like today, when the sun is warm and the trees are blossomed, as I'm getting off the bus after work-- I sometimes get this overwhelming feeling that I'm going to turn my head... and you're going to be sitting on my front step waiting for me. You never are, of course. And you never would be.

But it really strikes me down with the same intense blow, every single time.

12/14/11:: no more spider, no more leaf.

I've been aware of sadness, apathy, joy, the weather, my friends, my body. I've been aware of my job and tasks and sleep. I've played things out.

But to actually feel something. To cry. Be warm with anger. To miss someone. To worry.

These things are strange islands to me. Vacation spots that I pass by on my boat, but never stop at.

I have postcards to these emotions from my past. I look at them and tell myself I've been there.

It's been so long though that they seem just like stories.

10/19/11:: Alone in Station

I want, of course, many things. I don't need to list all of them because I am sure you can figure out for yourself most of them: good health, financial stability, etc etc.

What I want (not most of all, but on a high priority) right now is the company I keep to be on my level. And I don't mean that in a condescending way, though I know it really sounds like it. I just tend to surround myself with people that are in a totally different place in their lives. Not going to school, in school, starting their own business...

Fine.

But on some selfish surface level, I need someone like me. Who is doing what I'm doing. Who wants/likes/hates/affords/aspires toward/knows the things that I do.

Which shouldn't be so hard to find... because I'm pretty ordinary. And yet... I don't have that person in my life.

9/24/11:: Sometimes

Every so often, I am forced to wake up... realize my room is trashed and clean it up. Realize I've been lazy... get productive. Realize I've been sloppy with my emotions... reign it in.

I've been making a lot happen. On paper, I must look pretty good.

But internally, there is much work to be done. Much to be re-packaged, re-organized, rearranged...

And not just for the sake of rearranging. But because it's important to know where you are [in the present moment], so you have an accurate view of where you are going [in the future]. The past is the past, and we can look at it from any angle, but the brutal honesty of NOW is the demon to be reckoned with.

Patience

Selflessness

Jealousy

Stress

Self-consciousness

Honesty

Projects.

8/22/11:: Your Unbearable Lightness

When some people feel love in a memory, they write songs about it, full of intricate, affected metaphors. Great chefs write recipes, ones with the flavors that arouse the same emotions or sensations. Dancers and athletes move their bodies, flex their muscles, and feel energy in places that before perhaps felt lifeless.

My energy, however, just spins. Feeling swirls around. Collects in the atmosphere. Fills entire rooms and goes spilling out into hallways, tumbling down stairs, and avalanching into the neighbor's yard.

There are moments that as they are happening, you know belong only to you. You know that you're the only one noticing that the sun is peeking in the window just right, or that the room is the perfect temperature for touching. I replay these in my head while I'm on the bus or while I'm walking from the coffee shop to my desk.

What do you think about? I wish I knew. I hope that doesn't make me selfish. I hope it doesn't sound stupid.